Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
