but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
