whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
