New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
