i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize