just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
