I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
