Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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