we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I intend to get homeless drunk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
