i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
