My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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