sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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