i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize