and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize