Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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