Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Holy sore nipples Batman
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize