Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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