I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
