I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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