If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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