I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize