new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
