I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
