Screwed.edu
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
