The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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