I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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