just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
