I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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