Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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