I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
