I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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