Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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