I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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