I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
