Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
two words...techno handjob
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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