She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My vagina just clenched in fear
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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