He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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