does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize