Can i not drive my cunt home
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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