Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
