I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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