Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
