You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
