I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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