FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
