Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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