I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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