Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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