the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
