Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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