you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
