All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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