apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
