I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
