Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
