do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize