Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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