$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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